Willy Chicken

I found myself slicing off a piece of the breast…and BAM…CRUNCH….what the hell….omg……the wet dog syndrome..you know when a dog comes in from the rain that funky scent they give off…that landed in my mouth with the most terrible crunch. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry or puke; so I summed it up to being…you know a funky piece.

Sliced off another piece…….and I found myself with another wet dog crunch in my mouth. I immediately spit it out in my napkin, my face contorted…my stomach flip flopped like a fish out of water and my eye immediately went blood shot and watery.

My mom asked if I was ok and I remember replying “no….” but I didn’t want Sophia to hear me, because if I tell her chicken comes from an actual chicken..she will not eat it. I am desperately trying to get her over this hump.

From the second bite the only thing that ran through my mind was Stiffler from American Wedding eating the dog poo; I never in my wildest dreams thought I could ever compare my life to that scene…but my god…it happened.

The next day I found myself still distraught over willy chicken that I called my ex-husband to see if he knew what I ate; he knows more about chicken that anyone else I know. His first immediate question was “did you soak it in buttermilk?” at this point he thought it was the lack of buttermilk soaking that made me eat wet dog, until I gave him a very detailed description of the willy chicken….he then tells me he thinks I ate an old hen.

OLD HEN!

Throughly disgusted with his response because it made my tastebud nightmare even worse. I then repeated the conversation to my mom and telling her “last night I ate an old hen for dinner….” trying not to gag with my hand over my mouth.

She replied with “thats what she said…” the good old Michael Scott moment.

After gaining my composure I decided to do some research and this is what I found….the woody breast syndrome. A lot of chicken eaters found that they too have come across the same willy chicken as I have.

I just hope you never ever find yourself comparing your dinner to the Stiffler dog poo scene.

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